Betty ford says i'm here all night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize