The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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