if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
