The maid of honor just puked.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
