It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tell your sister to shave her snatch
People in love make me want to vomit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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