never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
