So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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