If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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