Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
