i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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