you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drake has all the answers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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