When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
