i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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