i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I came so hard my ears popped.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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