can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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