We're facebook friends in real life
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
