i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
a search helicopter?!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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