...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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