My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
