one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
