He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
