They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
