What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
