I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize