look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
