Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
