you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
