Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
