Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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