If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
