mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
