i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Blow job season was short but glorious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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