You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
