His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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