he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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