how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize