Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
