yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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