apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
