i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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