i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
