I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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