I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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