Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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