life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
