You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
