He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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