I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
