wat bout pragnant strippers??
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
