I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
