I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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