Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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