I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
