She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
