I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
