FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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