I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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