Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
