What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize