Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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